This is what I know

Nothing ever stays the same. From the moment we are born, our bodies change. As soon as we think, we change our minds and what we think today is not the same as what we think 10 years from now.

Rest assured, if you are going through the process of getting a divorce, or have recently separated, what you think at this moment will change.

Divorce can be liberating

Life After  Divorce

For some people, divorce is liberating. If you had been in a loveless marriage or relationship, your freedom can lead you to newer and happier paths.

There are ways to make it easier if the process is difficult and painful for you. It is a lonely path. You alone have to walk through the tunnel and get to the light on the other side. But over the millennia, the millions who have gone through this before you have left messages on the walls of the tunnel. We are all different. Read them all, try many, find what works for you and then practice them constantly.

Think of your thoughts as a sharp pencil. If you draw the same line, in the same place over time you will go through the paper and cause an ugly tear. However, if you use your pencil to draw beautiful patterns all over your page, you will create a new work of art.

What I mean by that is that if you find yourself thinking the same thoughts over and over again, be aware that what you are doing is drawing a line in the same place. You are not creating a new life.

Thoughts are funny things

They stampede across our minds at the rate of over 60 thousand thoughts a day and I’m still yet to meet the person who can control their thoughts every minute of the day!

Being aware of your thoughts however, will change the game.  How you feel is the truest sign of what you are thinking. Feeling stressed out? Check in on what you are thinking. Feeling sad and overwhelmed? Check in on your thoughts.

Your feelings are valuable. Do not suppress them! Use them to guide you to feelings that are easier until you feel better.

You can do this by changing, deliberately, what you are doing at the time. Get up and go for a walk. Put the radio on music that you enjoy. Read a book that captures your attention. Join a group so that you get to meet new people. There are groups for almost anything, art appreciation, ramblers, adult education classes. Do something different. It is the different that moves the pencil off the line to other areas of the paper.

Coping with divorce

Don’t waste your time with negative people

Those people who want to wallow in self-pity. Manage your exposure to people who make you feel worse and spend more time with people who inspire you. Some of my friends are better at certain times than others and that is perfectly fine. You need to look after your mental health with everything you have.

Sometimes you just have to sit with your feelings and thoughts for a while. It is sad when we loose something dear to us. You can be angry if someone treats you badly. But please, don’t let that become who you are.

I’m not saying it’s easy, I’m not saying it’s fun but what I do say is that it will get better with a nudge in the right direction from you.

You can have a life after divorce. A great life!