I know how our psychological system works. We think and the feeling attached to the thought manifests in the body and before you know it, your tummy is in knots or the tears shimmer in sad eyes.

There are practical steps to take when feelings and thoughts seem to be overwhelming and “feeling better” is just not an option.

Turn the auto pilot on with the following ideas:

( All small actions, if taken, will help you to feel like you are taking back control of your life.)

Health

Replace some of the unhealthy options in your shopping basket for food you know will be good for you. Make sure they are still food items you will enjoy. AND leave a naughty treat in there for now and when you eat that, smile, give yourself permission to wake up the child in you and enjoy! Life is for us to enjoy and small introductions of joy will start to build momentum.

Coping with divorce

Remember the activities you enjoyed when you were a child? Did you like riding your bicycle or swimming in open water? Did you always want to try canoeing? Join a group, there is often one individual who makes everyone laugh and we need people like that in our lives.

Find healthy ways to relax and get some rest. It is very difficult to make good decisions when we are overtired

Relationships

The relationship that has gone pear shaped is by far not the only relationship in your life. Make a list of the other important people in your life, all the way to the postman delivering in your neighbourhood.  Write one kind thing you would like to do for them, next to each name. Send a birthday card or best wishes if you know they are going on holiday.

Word of caution: there will be people on the list that might not be supportive at this time. Just leave a blank space for the moment until you feel strong enough for interactions.

If there is only one name with an action, reach out! It is important to reach out. People can’t read our minds and might not realize how you feel. Speak candidly and with openness. It is very healing.

Finance

Hard to talk about this when you feel down? It might not be the best time to make serious decisions if you can’t think straight. If matters can wait till you can think more clearly, take your time but do not hide your head in the sand like an ostrich!

If your finances need investigating, get professional help – not a well-meaning friend unless the friend has a reputation for sound investing and money management (or even better if he/she is a professional).

Having to go back to work? It can be scary but it is exhilarating too. You have so much to offer in life experience. Training is always possible. I got an HR qualification and a Health and Safety Nebosh qualification after my divorce. Not only did it take my mind off the relationship challenges while studying, it also gave me new skills I could offer potential employers.

Mental Health and Spirituality

Do one small deed a day that makes you feel better. If it is drinking a latte, savour the moment, taste the coffee and just be …

Life after divorce

Listen to one podcast a day or read one chapter of a book (unless you feel totally inspired to read it all in one go!). Do not overwhelm yourself. Slowly and tenderly rebuild your spirituality and mental health.

Do hang out with “nice” people. I don’t care what people think of the word nice because nice people let you be yourself. Nice people let you forget your troubles for a while. A hug from a nice person makes you feel like you have come home. I love nice people!

Environment

Don’t torture yourself. Put all sentimental gifts, photos or any mementos in a box and put it far away to be sorted somewhere down the line.

Surround yourself with things that lift your heart. If you can wait, don’t make big decisions like moving away. Talk your options through with sensible people, or a coach because they will help you look at the practical aspects and manage the emotional decision making process.

Above all, do remember that the thoughts you think now, are not the thoughts you will be thinking in 5 or 10 years.

I don’t know who said this but it is true:

“This too shall pass. It might pass like a kidney stone, but it will pass”

If you feel  you could do with some guidance at this stage, please get in touch at mdtroskie@gmail.com